Jealousy is one evil bitch

Unfortunately something I don’t really talk about is my problems with jealousy. As a person with very few friends and an insanely small family, it’s easy to feel shut out or alone sometimes. Because of this I tend to get jealous with the snap of a finger as bad as that sounds. It’s not that I’m a crazy or angry person, it’s just easy for me to feel inferior or unimportant.

My senior year of high is where everything went downhill. My two best friends had other friends and other things to do. I didn’t see them as much as I had hoped. I would get so upset when they would talk about things they did with their other friends. I would feel replaced, but I never spoke up.

In dance class I often felt like I had one friend and couldn’t deal with her missing a class. It was obvious that I was having some tough times but never said anything to anyone because I did not know who to talk to or what to say.

Fast forward to 2ish years later I still get those strong feelings of jealousy. I felt like the biggest outcast with the last website I wrote for and I broke down in tears often because of it. Last week I even felt ignored by the website I write for these days. I get little twitches in me. I saw someone with huge boobs being flaunted in her twitter pic constantly being rt’ed in my tl so I go to see who she is and I see my bf is one of only 4 mutual followers and I immediately feel jealous. Why else would people follow her other than for the pic? That’s my mindset.

I’ve been trying to kick these jealousy problems and I don’t know how. The problem isn’t the actual jealousy because I rarely let it turn me mean, nasty, a person that doesn’t trust people. The problem is that I don’t know how to talk about these things. I get horrified that it will be taken the wrong way. But unfortunately that is hurting me the most. I would definitely consider this my biggest weakness and I’m hoping that getting it out in this post will help me and those closest to me.

Continuing with Life Topics: Some Relationship Advice

I’ve been watching a lot of WE tv lately and my favorite show in season right now is “Marriage Boot Camp: Bridezillas.” I feel like such a typical woman watching reality tv when I watch, but I can’t get enough. The show is just like it sounds. 5 couples go through trying to save their marriages. And while the couples on there may be absolutely insane and also have way too many issues to overcome, I take a lot out of the show. One statement during an argument stood right out to me: “what did we talk with comparing?”

While the husband has some serious ego issues and rarely says anything that makes him seem intelligent, he made such an excellent point. If I could name one thing that can change your perspective of a relationship and make for a much happier relationship other than the obvious points, it would be to eliminate the urge to compare. While some couples may seem to have it all with constant date nights, normal gift giving, plans of moving in together, or the cutest FB pictures every single weekend, it is important to never find yourself getting jealous.

Case in point: A girl I graduated high school with had the cutest relationship ever (or so it seemed on facebook). Her and her boyfriend had been together for 2 years. She would post the most adorable statuses about her boyfriend and he was always in pictures with her and her family. They seemed to have it all. And while I am perfectly happy in my relationship, I would still find myself reading her FB wall and getting somewhat jealous of how perfect they seemed. But there is a reason you should never use the word perfect as they are now no longer together.

That’s when everything hit me. What on earth was I jealous about? Maybe she posted the statuses all the time because they would fight and she wanted him to know that she still loved him. Maybe she was trying to convince herself. But either way, something was not perfect.

Every relationship is different. Some guys shower their girlfriends with gifts because it’s how they show their love. Some girls post status after status about their relationship because they want everyone to know how happy they are. Some couples are very affectionate and hold hands all the time. Some couples move in together after dating for just a year. People have their own wants, needs, requirements, comfort levels, and desires.

I personally do not need gifts to feel loved. I do not post bragging facebook statuses because I don’t want to make my boyfriend to feel uncomfortable. My boyfriend and I hold hands all the time, but we do not live together. Different, right? So how can you compare your relationship to another one? You really cannot do it.

I got jealous when my brother moved in with his now fiancé after dating for just a year while I only see my boyfriend on weekends. But going over there every week I see that they bicker often and his fiancé expects to be waited on by him any time that she asks. I’ll keep my great communication with my boyfriend without the bickering and only being waited on if he offers over what my brother has. I know one day I will live with my boyfriend too so why dwell on something like that when we have so much going? We’re perfectly happy. We may not see each other as much as I would like and we may not have this relationship that everyone on facebook admires, but when we are together we do have everything that we need.

Comparing your relationship is like saying that if you had more money you’d be happier or if you had blonde hair and a flatter belly then every guy would like you. We want all these things that we think will make our lives perfect, but really we do not know what our lives would be like if so many things were different. And while dwelling on those unrealistic wishes, we are missing out on what we have. Do not compare your relationship to another relationship because while everything looks perfect from an outsider’s view, it probably is far from it.

Can I blog about something that isn’t hockey for once?

I’m in a writing mood, but not about hockey right now… well maybe a little bit, but not as the only topic.

This morning was the first time in a long time that I felt completely happy. I’m the type of person that is always stressed about something, worried about something I said, nervous about how a situation will go, or anxious to get something done. I never take the time to simply relax and enjoy the good things in my life.

“Things have a way of working out.” is the quote of my life, and it is time for me to start realizing that again. Also realizing that I have to put myself first and my wants and needs ahead of pleasing everyone.

There are a few aspects of my life that are very important to me: school, family/boyfriend/friends, my future, and things that I am passionate about.

I’m on summer break which is a fantastic feeling. I finished my first two years of college, and they completely flew by. I also achieved a 4.0 GPA for the first time in those four semesters. I have a job waiting for me in the fall as a tutor at my school which is also going to include some marketing. I am so so so happy for that opportunity. I’m giving school my all and i is finally paying off.

The next category is a category that can get mushy and emotional so I’ll only touch on it for a little bit. Things with my family are great. My brother is getting married in a year, my sister just bought her first house, I feel closer to my mom, and things tend to stay great with my dad. And then there’s my fabulous boyfriend. We’ve been together for a year and 6 months now and we discover new things every weekend that show why we are so perfect for each other. And I’m so thankful that I now get to see him parts of 4 days a week now. As for my friends, I’m working on it. I know that things get rocky because I don’t see them as much as we would all like, but I know that they’ll always be there for me and I’ll always be there for them. Was this paragraph completely gag worthy? I’m sure that it was.

The future is always a scary thought, but I’m working hard to make sure that it is bright. I’m trying to build a resume and plan for my life after college. I’m also slowly learning how to drive. This was the part of my life that had caused the most recent stress. I’ve had people telling me to get a job, but it’s just not that easy. I don’t drive and I have no experience, so I am working on those things again. As mentioned before, I will have a paying job in the fall, so now I can take the time to work on some non-paying resume builders. I have the TCL Flyers site and hopefully something with PAWS. I am excited for both opportunities!

Lastly is sports. I know some people judge be for the obsession but I do not care anymore. Sports are my escape and give me something less serious to focus on. The World Championships the past two weeks were so fun to watch and I am so proud of USA for winning bronze. I sometimes think that I like international hockey more than the NHL. But as for the NHL, I am coming to terms with the idea of seeing another SCF that I absolutely hate. It’s not the end of the world, and no one is twisting my arm to make me watch the rest of the playoffs. I’ll focus on the Red Wings and that’s it. Then there’s an exciting sports related trip set for July with my boyfriend. We’re spending the weekend in Baltimore and seeing the Orioles and Blue Jays. I have a small love affair with the Orioles and their bird so I am excited. And a weekend away is always fantastic.

So really, when I look at it, I have so many reasons to be happy, and it took until this morning for me to realize it. Life is certainly more than hockey for me.

Why are you not following the World Championships?

Many of us hockey fans are excited as we keep reading about the NHL moving closer to participating in the Olympics in February. While some people always bring up the argument that NHL players should not participate in the Olympics (I’m honestly not sure where I stand), it can be very helpful for some that just haven’t gotten into international hockey yet.

Hockey fans are so passionate, we get pumped over preseason games and countdown to October all summer long. Well, think of this tournament as a preseason of the Olympics, but even better: every game counts and there’s a lot at stake.

I know of three specific reasons why you guys would love the World Championships:
First off, the love that hockey fans show for the Olympics says it all. This competition replaces the Olympics in a non-Olympic year. Sure, you may not get to see all the best players in the world because the Stanley Cup playoffs are going on right now, but that means you will be exposed to less mainstream players that deserve some attention.

Secondly, I saw you guys get into the gold medal game of the World Juniors on January 5th. And for you USA hockey fans, the USA has a shot at another medal in this competition. It would be something so amazing for USA hockey’s program. Regardless of who you are rooting for, it is much like the WJC. The players are a little older but they are playing for the same thing: pride and the pure love of hockey. It’s not about $7 million contracts or sponsorships. Also, some players you learned about and fell in love with during the WJC are in this tournament such as U.S. goaltender John Gibson.

Lastly, I know this is a time when hockey love is at an all time high. The Stanley Cup playoffs have us all turning into complete hockey nuts. We want multiple games every night, tight games, OT, everything that gives us the best hockey. So why not give yourself even more hockey? While the games are not on at the best times, there’s always DVR. Record a USA game while you’re at work and come home to a nice win for the Americans to watch and find yourself getting even more pumped for the semi final games that night.

Unfortunately the tournament only has three more days of competition after today but that does not mean that the time is up for you to get involved.

Here are some key things to know:
1. The two groups are the Helsinki group and Stockholm group. Russia finished first in the Helsinki group and Switzerland finished first in the Stockholm group, YES Switzerland.
2. Canada needed OT to defeat Slovenia yesterday… Predictable? I think not.
3. We’ve seen France beat Russia, the US beat Finland, and Austria beat Slovakia. Once again, nothing predictable there.
4. The semi-finals and medal games are saturday and sunday so it should be no problem for many to watch!

So what exactly would be anyone’s reason for not watching? Well, I have an answer to what I think the main reasons are.
1. Predictability: People think that international hockey is so predictable, but that’s how it’s portrayed. Who would have ever thought France would beat Russia? This tournament is not predictable like it used to be.
2. It’s for Europeans: This is another false belief that people have, but it is not true anymore. The US and Canada both finished second in their groups, so they have just as good of a shot at gold as Russia and Sweden.
3. The time difference: This is a totally understandable excuse, but I think it can also be worked around since the two most important games are on Sunday and the semifinals are on Saturday.
4. You don’t think international hockey is your thing: Well, maybe it isn’t your thing, but I saw a whole nation get behind the US in 2010. And I saw so many people get behind our juniors in January. I don’t see how this has to be any different. Hockey season is almost over, so why not make the most of it?

I really hope that some of you who have not tuned into the WC yet or have not followed anything that has gone on sincerely decide to change that. I get so much joy from watching our men with the USA logo on their chest. I just wish more people could feel that way too. Who knows what other unpredictable outcomes we will see. Times have changed and this tournament is evolving. Heck, international hockey as a whole is evolving. The US has not won gold since 1960, but with the European dominance changing and USA hockey’s program constantly improving, who’s to say that we’d be crazy to see a gold coming our way on Sunday. I for one believe in this team and believe that this year the predictable will not happen at all.

Dear Playoff Hockey, I’m sorry. Please take me back

Last May I wrote a post for this blog on my struggle to get interested in the Stanley Cup playoffs. The struggle never actually ended no matter how hard I tried. I didn’t even watch a single SCF game. Then came the lockout which was actually good for my stubborn self because I still did not need or want NHL hockey. I actually did start to get worried because I was so anti NHL sometimes and really turned into a grump about the league. I made it seem like I was almost too good to be concerned with the thing that I had once loved so much.

Fast forward to today and I have done a complete 180. I find myself so invested in these playoffs to the point where I get sad if I miss any games. Maybe that’s a bit obsessive but it’s making me happy so I don’t care if people think it’s too much.

The Pens Isles series has actually been competitive, the Bruins Leafs series has given me a chance to see JVR work his magic, the Caps Rangers series has been fun to watch, and the Habs Sens series has been a can’t miss series. Out west the Hawks Wild series is perfect for me since I like both teams, the Canucks Sharks series has been my favorite thing to watch before bed, the Ducks Red Wings series has provided me with playoff nerves, and the Blues Kings series is a perfect look at two of the best teams in hockey. I sit here and can think of so many things I love in every series. It’s incredible.

I’ll never fully understand what got into me last year, but I think I know what contributed. Sometimes we take ourselves too seriously. I got worried about what I wrote in blogs, worried about what people I thought about my tweets, and worried about who was rooting for whom. Last Monday I put a new twitter to use and stopped following people that didn’t matter to me. It was my first step in turning things around. I want to enjoy hockey with other people but only people that won’t stress me out.

Who would have thought that despite the Flyers not being in the playoffs I’d be enjoying playoff hockey more than I have in a long time.

I know any hockey fan will gush over the playoffs and tell you how they are better than playoffs in any other sport. And any hockey fan will tell you how playoff overtime is the best thing in the world. So I’ll spare you the obvious, but maybe this is one of those cases of not realizing how great something is until I almost lost it completely. No one could have taken the sport away from me (okay maybe the lockout took the NHL away) but I almost chased it away myself.

So forgive me if my tweets during every game become obnoxious or if I post too many things on FB about these playoffs. I’ve just fallen in love with the Stanley Cup playoffs all over again. I want long series and lots of OT. I want animosity and highlight reel goals. When the playoffs end I’ll go back to pretending to have a life and get reacquainted with the outdoors, but for now watching these playoffs is what makes my nights so perfect and my weekends even more perfect than usual. Safe to say that I am definitely a romantic.

Something Small That Needed to Be Said

No matter how many times I tell myself to bite my tongue and move on from things, my emotions get the best of me and I tweet things I don’t mean or even worse, I say things I don’t mean. There’s no excuse for that when I’m 20 years old.

I have this one really bad habit… In my ridiculous mind, I check twitter between classes and think everyone tweeting must have so much free time and such an awesome life if their biggest problem is something sports related. But of course that’s never true. We all have difficulties in our lives and responsibilities. I happen to have 8 am classes all week so the evening is when I can tweet and worry about sports. Others work or go to school at night. And just because people can tweet doesn’t mean they aren’t busy. Hell, I was terrible and tweeted during class today which I just don’t do.

Finals and papers are rough. I feel so close to being done my sophomore year, but yet so far away. And the most immature part is that I consider the worst part of having all this work to do is not being able to pay attention to hockey or baseball. But at the same time I know it could be way worse. Hell, I get to do my one paper on the Miracle on Ice so I should be so thankful for that.

Bottom line is that I apologize for my actions last night and this morning. I meant nothing I said and just went after whatever everyone happened to be tweeting about. If I do it again between now and Thursday, feel free to tweet me and tell me to knock it off and breathe. That’s what I have to do. And this wasn’t my way of procrastinating; it helped me get in a writing mood.

I know I can do this and that it’s not so bad. And whatever any of you guys have going on this week, I hope it all goes well and that it’s a great week I’ll try to continue the rest of the week without making a fool of myself!

Here’s to you, Kimmo!

On May 31, 2012, Nick Lidstrom announced his retirement. He was the greatest NHL defensemen of this generation. He was the perfect human, a Swedish God. And it is still beyond strange to turn on a Red Wings game and not see number 5 on the ice. It just doesn’t seem right or even real.

Unfortunately, or fortunately depending on how you look at it, we could tell that last season was turning into Lidstrom’s last season. He missed his first game in 200+ games with the flu in January and an ankle injury held him out of the lineup for some games in March. We just knew that he wasn’t the same, he was in fact human and his games were numbered.

Fast forward a year and Flyers fans are facing a very similar situation. No, we do not have the greatest defenseman in the league, and we don’t have one that would be put into anyone’s top 5 around the league, but we do have our own God on the blue line and it is beginning to look like his playing days are numbered.

• Warrior. -Darlene
  
• Finnish God. -Allison
• Flawless dman, possibly not even of this world. -Becca
• Great puck mover, most underrated D-man of the last decade. -Dave
• BAMF. -Anna
• Awesome. -Rob
• d with heart. -FlyersFan
• All around excellence. Offense? Yes. Defense? Unquestioned skill. Leadership? In spades. Knowledge of the game? Impeccable. -AJ

When asked, those are some words or descriptions Flyers fans (and a Leafs fan!) gave when asked to say the first thing that came to their mind when I say the words “Kimmo Timonen.”

Yes, Kimmo Timonen is Philadelphia’s Finnish god, our warrior on the blue line. And it’s hard to believe that this is his 6^th season with the Flyers and the final season in his contract.

There have been signs that he doesn’t have much left in the tank. He has struggled in some games and just doesn’t seem to have his legs at all times. Could it be rust? Of course. He did not play during the lockout, so rust would be understandable. But the reality is that Kimmo is close to 38 years old and playing the toughest position in the NHL. Add on to that that he is a little guy playing a big man’s position.

This is obviously something no Flyers fan wants to talk about. Heck, the day he retires I will personally be crying somewhere in my bedroom. But there is a reason…

Timonen deserves to be appreciated. He deserves to have his last season be one that Flyers fans remember. Last night he scored a goal in a 2-1 loss to the Rangers. The goal had no effect on the outcome, but it was a beautiful goal and his first of the season.  It took him 2+ months to get his first goal last season so a Timonen goal is a rare occasion. So of course I went crazy over the goal, despite having a feeling the Flyers would lose still anyway.

So my point here?

I’ll rephrase what I said to hockey fans about Lidstrom last march…

Let’s not ponder the “r” word and let’s not get sad about this. No matter what happens, Timonen fans will always look at him as the Finnish God of defense. We don’t know how much more we are going to get out of him, but I think the time should be used to love and praise him more than ever rather than lamenting over possibilities that may be in the near future.

So here’s to you Kimmo! Here’s to hoping the Flyers turn this season around and you get to finally hoist the Stanley Cup. I can’t think of a more deserving active player right now. I know I’ll be wearing your jersey proudly this season as always and watching you closely every step of the way.